Tuesday, November 14

Puff, The Magic Day Dragon, Will Now Accept Her Cupcakes

Today is The Magic Day. The day that I have had circled on my calendar since my very first day of work at HellJob, which began on this date one year ago. It's hard to believe that it's been a year --in that it feels more like five. I'm sure it feels the same way to all of you who have put up with my incessant complaining.

In the early hours of November 14, 2005, when I circled November 14, 2006, I already knew that HellJob was going to be significantly worse than anticipated. Regardless, I told myself I'd stick it out for (the resume padding standard one) year, all for the sake of buying my first house. As you may recall, I made it to 277 days before declaring defeat and flying the proverbial coup.

I did make a good friend out of the whole ordeal, so, much like college, it was not entirely a waste of time.

Now, here we are, one year later, and The Magic Day has arrived. Ahhhh! The day that I dreamed of for each excruciating minute of HellJob is here. I pictured confetti and balloons sailing down from the rafters, party favor adorned coworkers parading around with cupcakes while the CircusPeanut was strapped to her chair with an apple jammed and duct taped in her mouth (Ohhh yeah, I made constructive use of my mania while trapped at HellJob). While none of this can come to pass due to my hasty HellJob retreat, I was still able to buy the "house" on my self-imposed schedule. In fact, this very afternoon I am off to meet with my contractors "freend who gecht veddy gud price" and pick out granite for my new kitchen!
*insert virtual confetti and balloons*


The complaint part (oh come now, you so knew it was coming):

The fire in my throat is making me feel quite dragonly.

*BLASTS FIRE FROM THROAT IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION*.

See? Yeah, it's pretty neat. Great for char-broiling my enemies. Not so good when it's sleepy sleepy time, however. The flame burns brightly with each breath regardless of the amount of chloroseptic applied. It laughs uproariously in the face of Quil (both Night and Day) and inspires workplace convulsions that are not so becoming of an aspiring professional.

My medicine-head has, however, provided me with some powerful insight. For example, I've discovered that contrary to popular conception, two wrongs can make a right. While this is no small revelation, it might be just the beginning. Currently, I am contemplating whether or not three wrongs might in fact make a right as well. I'm speaking specifically about the phonecall I received at 7:42 this morning and the return call to said party that I plan on making at 11:42 this evening. Oh, did my rude and untimely return call wake your kids and disturb your much-needed slumber? So sorry. How rude of me. Hey, have you seen my new char-broiler?

*BLASTS FIRE THROUGH PHONE*


7 comments:

First Year said...

Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated that drawing :)

Anonymous said...

you made your goal to buy a house in one year! take a cepecol and offer yourself a huge congrats! these are the things that happen when we're busy busy bitching ourselves out for something else, and we don't realize exactly how kick-ass we are.

dwb said...

so i'm assuming the viking stove and steamroom we discussed just ain't happening?

honeykbee said...

Actually, I'm installing a steamroom that comes with complimentary vikings inside. How did you know?

Can't wait for my new cabinet-mounted brocolli steamer! Woo hoo!

Needtsza said...

viking stove...she doesn't Like viking. Lord knows why ;)

anyway...love the peanut pic.

sorry about throat. keep sleeping boo

kershdo said...

Noooo, you didn't?!?!?!?!?

nicole said...

Wow, you're my hero. You stuck it out at a horrible job for the sake of beefing up your resume and you bought a HOUSE on schedule?? That's some serious self-discipline, lady. Congrats!

Man, granite for the kitchen? I'm so jealous.

Oh and the "fire in the throat"? Got some of that, too. :(