Thursday, November 16

If I Spilled It

If I were to spill an entire bottle of Robitussin DM into my handbag --which I'm not saying that I did-- but if I were to spill an entire bottle of Robitussin DM in my bag, and were it to coat my compact, ipod, wallet, checkbook, tampons and all other assorted accoutrements in a layer of red syrupy sticky goo --which, mind you, I am not saying that I did-- then this is how I would do it:

  • I would haphazardly cover the bottle of Robitussin with it's little plastic shotglass top without checking to ensure the screw-on top beneath was secure.

  • I would then place said bottle completely willy and downright nilly atop everything else in my purse before zipping it up, grabbing my keys and heading out for the day.
  • I would later fish around in my bag, looking for a pen, and completely invert the bottle of Robitussin in the process; thereby ensuring that every item in the bag was thoroughly covered in thick, sticky goo.

  • Then, I would attend several meetings in several different places, walking and driving to and fro, all the while shaking my bag and its contents around like a baby Federline.
  • In the middle of the afternoon, some 8 rugged hours into my day, I would reach my hand into my bag, in order to casually retrieve an Advil and would find my fingers submerged in a puddle of soupy muck.
  • I would spend nearly 25 minutes in the ladies room applying wet paper towels to each of my treasured items and carefully wiping them clean. I would then line everything up on the bathroom countertops to dry. A lady who works in the office down the hall would make eye contact with me while drying her hands, sucking her teeth, and looking me up and down. She'd comment with a sneer that she could "smell the 'Tussin".
Pouring nearly an entire bottle of pungent cherry cough syrup into my very favorite bag containing my treasured belongings would not be smart. Not smart at all. And I would feel very, very unwise if I had spilled it. Which I'm not saying that I did.

23 comments:

Lori said...

want me to send over some baby wipes.. those things clean up anything. But that's only if you actually spilled anything. ;)

so is your moving/condo thing a done deal? :)

Anonymous said...

I hate when that happens! But, of course, I've never done that.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that didn't happen to you. It would totally suck.

Brunch Bird said...

Such a convincing non-confession. I eagerly await your Fox special.

dwb said...

sigh... that totally sucks. A few quick takeaways:
1 - your cell phone is totally "robo-ing" right now.
2 - another reason why i (i.e., most men) do not carry all of their belongings in one frigging bag strapped to their shoulders.

DaGince said...

I would like to add that I have not read your article on not spilling anything and am not holding my sides not laughing...

Hey Pretty said...

Chin up, I'm sure there's a book deal from Judith Regan waiting for you just around the corner!

playmaker said...

Does the delightful cherry smell of Robitussin ever go away?

Jamy said...

I'm not saying that it happened, but if I were to read this post, then I would have laughed out loud several times.

Thanks, I needed that.

Dara said...

Oh, you poor thing! I hate it when stuff like that happens. Especially when it's the favorite bag.

Z-MAN said...

Remind me not to eat your "let's dish food" anytime soon...

Scott said...

as usual, i totally agree w/ dwb on this one. women are so silly for wanting their entire life to be tossed into a 100$ sack and shaken up like the daily lottery balls..

oh, verification word: sjvic -- 1) The sound not made by not squishing your hand into a purse full of cough-goo. 2) An Ikea lamp

honeykbee said...

hahahhahaa "$100 sack"?! Have we met!?

nicole said...

Would you believe you're even better at cleaning up messes than me?

Robitussin's a new one in the purse gunk department. Usually it's just trial size bottles of Jergen's for me. You get points for creativity. ;)

And PLEASE tell me the iPod is still fully functional??

BeautifulDisaster said...

if i were to have read your blog I would say that i loved it and I really needed the comic relief on this night!!

dwb said...

if i had not read everyone else's comments then i would not have written this post because i wouldn't have noticed that DaGince's thought was the most original and I wouldn't have noticed that Jamy and Single Mom Divorced Career Chick did not read everyone else's before making their own...

my word verification today is ukicg - kinda sounds like an ikea lamp, no?

kate said...

this sounds like something that i would do.

actually, i have done that, except it was in a suitcase.

Anonymous said...

Maybe OJ is haunted, and this is his initial confession.

zandria said...

Oh, my lord! That is AWFUL! :( I could just picture you in the bathroom, trying desperately to clean all the items in your purse. Did it ruin your ipod?

MKD said...

If you did do this then maybe the Fox network would pay to air it.

Bea said...

f'ing brilliant! my new favorite blog. just don't tell my blogging friends.

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