If I Spilled It

If I were to spill an entire bottle of Robitussin DM into my handbag --which I'm not saying that I did-- but if I were to spill an entire bottle of Robitussin DM in my bag, and were it to coat my compact, ipod, wallet, checkbook, tampons and all other assorted accoutrements in a layer of red syrupy sticky goo --which, mind you, I am not saying that I did-- then this is how I would do it:

• I would haphazardly cover the bottle of Robitussin with it's little plastic shotglass top without checking to ensure the screw-on top beneath was secure.
  
  
• I would then place said bottle completely willy and downright nilly atop everything else in my purse before zipping it up, grabbing my keys and heading out for the day.

• I would later fish around in my bag, looking for a pen, and completely invert the bottle of Robitussin in the process; thereby ensuring that every item in the bag was thoroughly covered in thick, sticky goo.
  
  
• Then, I would attend several meetings in several different places, walking and driving to and fro, all the while shaking my bag and its contents around like a baby Federline.

• In the middle of the afternoon, some 8 rugged hours into my day, I would reach my hand into my bag, in order to casually retrieve an Advil and would find my fingers submerged in a puddle of soupy muck.
  

• I would spend nearly 25 minutes in the ladies room applying wet paper towels to each of my treasured items and carefully wiping them clean. I would then line everything up on the bathroom countertops to dry. A lady who works in the office down the hall would make eye contact with me while drying her hands, sucking her teeth, and looking me up and down. She'd comment with a sneer that she could "smell the 'Tussin".
  

Pouring nearly an entire bottle of pungent cherry cough syrup into my very favorite bag containing my treasured belongings would not be smart. Not smart at all. And I would feel very, very unwise if I had spilled it. Which I'm not saying that I did.