Friday, November 17

Creepy Christmas

You're probably going to take this the wrong way. I'm about to complain about something Christmas related and you probably know that I'm Jewish (and if you didn't, you do now) so you're probably going to think I'm saying something derogatory about Christianity or its teachings, -- when in fact I'm not so much anti-Christian as I am anti-religion in general-- but I digress. I dare not besmirch the teachings of Christ nor any of his believers. Nor anyone else for their beliefs. Your faith is your own personal hoohah and I don't touch that topic for several reasons, the most pressing being that I could give a shit.

Now that we've got that clear, what I'd really like to know is, when the bloody fuck did Christmas begin the first week in November?! I mean seriously, kids were still ringing my doorbell trick-or-treating when the first fa-la-la-la-sale commercial aired. What is up with that? !

Sing songy Winter Wonderland music being piped through the phones, in the mall and in even CVS before Veteran's day?! The fuck is going on here? It's halfway thorough November now and I'm getting 17 catalogs a day smooshed into my mailbox. This is the worst case of "scope creep" I've ever seen! It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I'm already completely sick of Christmas!!

Poor thanksgiving, probably my favorite (cupcake-less) holiday, has been completely swallowed up and seemingly altogether forgotten thanks to greedy conglomerate advertising. Dancing before me prior to the ides of November are wreaths and bells and ornaments, sweaters, diamonds and fancy liquors.

The breakdown below represents the results of a recent study (performed by yours truly) documenting the bombardment of "Holiday" advertising that took place this very evening:


Today's lesson: --think for yourselves! (Sub lesson: Qaulity, free graphing programs are not easy to find).

Live in the moment. Appreciate the moment. And have a happy Thanksgiving, goddamnit!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

So what about Chanukah and all if its mis-manifeastations? of Quanza..another winner...do they also start one month + early?

Anonymous said...

haha good points! i don't think anyone would remember thanksgiving if it weren't for the day(s) off from work/ school.

i seriously hate christmas. i can't wait until it's over.

S said...

i'm pretty sure that in ten years they'll just start merging the "back-to-school" sales with the christmas sales. it's bound to happen.

if you're not sure, just ask all the polish folks in detroit. they're ahead of the curve, keeping their christmas lights up year-round. they know something. mark my words.

Madame M said...

Yeah, it's pretty crazy. But this year it's tame: a couple of years back I saw the first of the Christmas d├ęcor go up right after Labor Day-- now THAT is insane.

Hey, I'm going to link you to my blog, k? ;o)

dwb said...

clearly when it comes to religion, intelligence flies right out the window to begin with (all this god bs), but that's another story (thanks to god, i hit that grand slam. thanks to god, i can bang 40 virgins when i fly into this building. thanks to god....). this is what makes it such a great business - if it was up to most businesses, christmas would start in june.

second to porn. porn is probably the best business. porn and religion - unlimited market dynamics (supply and demand). espcially in utah (that's where all the mormon are).

anyway, i would like to thank jesus, allah, and hashem for giving me the strength to write this comment...

Needtsza said...

i agree with ??????? but for the fancy liquor ;)

minijonb said...

in my neck of the woods, Christmas started the last week in October. it's going to be a long holiday season. i just want to enjoy Thanksgiving in peace. that all i ask.

Anonymous said...

well, now thanksgiving knows what the poor, happy, dancing nakked Indians felt like. (bb)

MKD said...

I saw my first Xmas commercial right before HALLOWEEN. WTF?