Game Over (a cop-out, not-very-creative-because-I'm-just-too-tired-to-deal-but-don't-want-you-to-think-I've-forgotten-about-you post)

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women.
Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy.

• Do something she likes and you get points.
• Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
• You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed..... +1
* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..... 0
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..... -1
* You leave the toilet seat up..... -5
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..... 0
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..... -1
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom..... -2
* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings..... +5
* In the snow ..... +8
* But return with beer..... -5
* And no liners..... -25

* You check out a suspicious noise at night..... 0

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..... 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..... +5
* You pummel it with a six iron..... +10
* It's her cat..... -40

AT THE PARTY

* You stay by her side the entire party..... 0
* You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy..... -2
* Named Tiffany..... -4
* Tiffany is a dancer..... -10
* With breast implants..... -18

HER BIRTHDAY

* You remember her birthday..... 0
* You buy a card and flowers..... 0
* You take her out to dinner..... 0
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..... +1
* Okay, it is a sports bar..... -2
* And it's all-you-can-eat night..... -3
* It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..... -10
* Tiffany is there.... -500

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
* Go with a pal..... 0
* The pal is happily married..... +1
* The pal is single..... -7
* He drives a Ferrari..... -10
* With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)..... -15
* She finds out it's where Tiffany works.... -5000

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

* You take her to a movie..... +2
* You take her to a movie she likes..... +4
* You take her to a movie you hate..... +6
* You take her to a movie you like..... -2
* It's called Death Cop III..... -3
* Which features Cyborgs that eat humans..... -9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..... -15

THE BIG QUESTION - She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

* You hesitate in responding..... -10
* You reply, "Where?"..... -35
* You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"..... -100
* Any other response..... -20

COMMUNICATION

* When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying a concerned expression..... 0
* You listen, for over 30 minutes..... +5
* You relate to her problem and share a similar experience..... +50
* You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying: "well, what do you think I should do?"..... -100
* You have fallen asleep..... -200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

* You talk..... -100
* You don't talk..... -150
* You spend time with her...... -200
* You don't spend time with her..... -500
* You seem to be enjoying yourself..... -1000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!! :-!