So get this-- not only did Sears actually show up with the fridge, they also brought me a dishwasher, an oven, a microwave hood, all the proper cords, and somehow even managed to get the suckers both upstairs and inside (this required the removal of no fewer than 5 of the condo's precious and petite exterior doors. Seriously! FIVE!) without serious injury to man or steel.
Not only do I now know how to say "door" in both Spanish and Farsi, in another (and stranger yet!) turn of events, the contractor who has told me on each of the last 27 consecutive days that he will "definitely start tomorrow" actually did begin to work on the condo kitchen today.