Monday, December 4

I'm Fucking Starving. Don't Even Talk To Me I'm So Fucking Starving.

The big blogger stereotype is that No One Cares What You Ate For Lunch so I'm going to touch upon dangerous ground here by proposing the following question... what the bloody hell do people eat for lunch??

If it were up to Z, I'd meet him at IHOP and pile on the pancakes. It's not like I'm not tempted but I'm working out TWICE a day now, actually getting up earlier in the m-m-m-m-morning to run a few miles and pound the circuit, so I'm not going to waste all that time and focused hatred on a few crappy flapjacks. I get all warmed up by my laxative/appetite suppressant mocha breakfast only to be rendered ravenous come noon-time. This is a new feeling for me. Usually I'm not genuinely hungry till around 4pm. I really don't know what to eat for lunch that will not un-do all the good I did in my morning gym session!

I said ravenous, goddamnit, I don't want a salad.

Not to mention that I'm cold. So hot food would be ideal. Apparently "winter" doesn't start in this office until at least one onsite employee has presented notarized proof from their mortician that they have perished due to pneumonia or at least three dozen people in the midwest have died due to blizzard exposure. I hope, as I sit here with blue fingers, to reach at least one of these established highwater marks by the end of the business day today.

In the meantime, my mocha has long since worn off and my stomach is actually growling. I find this gurgling to be yet another internal betrayal to my incredibly good gastrointestinal intentions. It's too damn cold to leave the office and the only soups offered by the deli downstairs are waist blasting cream of fat concoctions. Hey but at least there's three of them.
Hmmm, let's see... should I have the cream of tomato, the broccoli and cheese cream, or the cream of cream cream cream cream soup? They all sound so fantastically slenderizing...

I've suspected as much for a while but now in my bitter fog of hunger it has become apparent that the whole world is undermining me. Oh and do I feel a bit like a jackass for all this complaining sitting to the immediate left of a "End Hunger Now" flashing campaign banner? Damn skippy I do.

Fuck it. I might just go ahead and eat a cigarette for lunch.

12 comments:

Needtsza said...

Apple breakfast.....Orange lunch....a coffee and an egg mcmuffin for midday shizzy.

Other than that, I wear a compression under armour shirt to combat the hunger pangs I feel as well.

Anonymous said...

That post was the blog version a Cathy comic.

kate said...

I'm hungry, and I refuse to leave the building until I run like hell to get into my car.

I am drinking water and coffee. The water is a direutic, and the coffee is keeping me warmed. Fat ass be damned, I will chew my arm off before I go outside.

Anonymous said...

Kate, I believe that water is just an element and helps with the cleansing and lubrication of joints, etc in the body but does not function as a direutic. It does fill the stomach though.

The coffee IS a direutic though.

I could be wrong, but ....I could be right ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL! Thanks for the reminder about the food drive.

dwb said...

do you know how fattening those mochas are? you might as well not work out and have a bigmac for breakfast.

:p

today's word verification...tzwawel - the newest word that chapelle uses to end a sketch...

(what you got scott?)

kershdo said...

So that's why you stopped IMing me. My soup suggestions weren't up to par?

Anonymous said...

Hmm, maybe you need more protein. If I exercise a lot and don't get enough protein with each meal I get minus fucking 27 degrees celsius Alberta cold. But then again, maybe that's because that really is the temperature here. What about oatmeal? It'll fill you up and warm you up too. But what do I know? I like your blog, by the way and for what it's worth.

S said...

don't accuse me of being some sort of domestic diva for this suggestion ... but you should make a big pot of soup on sunday evening. it will last you all week for lunch. i'm just sayin.

DaGince said...

Quit your bitchin! And go fry up a nice bowl of lettuce...

Bea said...

Chili. Boom! Problem solved.

Anonymous said...

Here's my little secret: Get yourself some Agar Agar. You can find it at an asian store, whole foods, or a health food store. It's a little bag. Put a spoonful of the sprinkles into a cup of hot tea and drink it. It turns to gelatin in your stomach and makes you feel incredibly full. Plus, it's pure fiber and is actually very healthy.