In previous chapters we have visited a variety of long-standing and questionable norms, such as the insurmountable requirement that estrogen carriers visit the commode in pairs and, in episode 32, the genetically driven inability for women to leave more than three square molecules of unutilized space in medicine cabinets. Today, as our psychologically traumatic investigative series continues, we will discuss: The Encroacher.
Recently obtained photographic evidence of The Encrocher phenomenon demonstrates the preference of The Encoracher to occupy the stall immediately neighboring an already occupied stall. Note how The Encroacher appears to be completely relaxed in her native environment (and in her Doc Martins from the Spring, 1993 line), seemingly unaware of the plethora of unneighbored thrones to her avail. With eight stalls from which to choose, only a true-blooded Encroacher, as seen here, opts to mount a Swisher mere inches from the exposed butt-cheeks of a stranger.
The Encroacher, humming and oblivious to the discomfort of The Encroachee, often lives a life of social malevolence, riddled with reckless abandon; including the transmittal of phone calls while in elevators, unnecessarily parking in more than one space at a time, and storing stinky food remnants in shared office receptacles. The inconsideration of The Encroacher often knows few social boundaries.
Unfortunately for The Encroachees, studies show that few tactics prove to be successful in the permanent discouragement of The Encroacher (outside of spankings beginning in early childhood). However, in order to likely remove yourself from the occasional interaction with The Encroacher, do consider initiating a game of "footsie".
Please do join us for our next riveting episode of Investigations Into the Curious and Peculiar Bathroom Habits -- "Hand Washing, Swine Flu, And You! Yes, YOU, YOU DISGUSTING PIG!"