Raisinettes? More chocolate.
Bananas and strawberries? Natures' candy just screams "bring on the chocolate"!
Pineapple and little chunks of spongecake? Clearly require more chocolate.
Fried chicken? Sure, more chocolate. (Could it really hurt at that point?)
Almonds? More dark chocolate.
Rice Chex? More chocolate.
Peeps? Oh hells yeah! Has no one thought of that?! More chocolate!
Chocolate licorice? *screech* OKAY, HOLD THE PHONE.
Chocolate Twizzlers (or, as Hershey's so unnecessarily loudly refers to them, Chocolate TWIZZLERS), were a perfectly chocolaty, perfectly waxy, perfectly low-calorie treat (--neigh! Institution!) until some time in early 2008 when Hershey's, in their infinite wisdom (the kind oft inspired by simultaneously sniffing cocoa and glue fumes) changed the recipe. There was no warning, they just changed the product. Are they allowed? Sure. Is it one of the worst ideas in marketing history? Most definitely.
Regardless of how you feel about the old Chocolate TWIZZLERS, have you tasted this new recipe? The bag trumpets that the candy has been infused with "100% Hershey's Chocolate!" but it tastes more like it's been infused with "100% Sweaty Burka!". Hershey's took out the trans fat, as well as all of the taste and texture. Way to go, Hershey's. Oh, but they nearly doubled the calories. So it's got that going for it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, LEAVE THE TRANS FATS ALONE, GD IT!
If you've been in touch with me at all over the last week or so then you likely saw this post coming. This snack attack is most definitely my latest grandiose bee-peevement. My glycerin levels are plummeting and it's adding an extra special sauce to my usual malevolence. I'd like to take this opportunity to add that it's not just me. So before you go thinking (though it's probably already well too late) "there she goes, off on another one of her crazy lunatic fringes again" just know that I'm not alone on this journey. The chocolate TWIZZLER crazybus is full of furious snackers who have been denied their chewy just desserts (like here, here, here, not so much here because this person is clearly premenstrual, and here).
Ten chocolaty calories full of waxy goodness, I mean, what's not to love?! They are (well, were) the perfect treat. Why, oh why, would you ever change Chocolate TWIZZLERS, Hershey's?! I don't see you taking the deliciously evil transfats out of the elephant ears you serve in your theme park. In fact, the HersheyPark site lists "Dippin Dots" ice cream under "HEALTHY FOOD OPTIONS". What kind of blogger would I be if I let such hypocrisy go un-whined about?
I wrote to Hershey's. To their credit, they wrote back within the promised 24-48 hour time frame. They thanked me for writing about their (altered beyond palatability and recognition) product, and promptly requested that I go F myself.
I scoured the web, closeout candy sites, and experienced some success (albeit with outrageous shipping fees) on eBay. When I asked the seller if the TWIZZLERS pictured were the actual product for sale, and not the "new" recipe that says "Hershey's Chocolate" on the bag, the seller replied, "wow, people keep asking me that. That new stuff must really suck". Very professional, right? I bought all of her candy bags.
I then called the Hershey's customer service number
I enlisted my internet guru brother for help. I look forward to some distant day when he finishes laughing.
NO! I will not "accept the truth and move on"!
Chocolate TWIZZLEResses unite!
Oh ha ha ha, BizRate. Ha ha ha.