Monday, November 5

Stroke It Stroke It

Just how hard do you have to hit the keys on your keyboard? Four pounds of pressure per square inch? Fourteen? Somewhere in between? Here's a hint, noob; if every time you hit the "e" key, with the erect pointer finger of your right hand poking out of your clenched fist, your deskmate winces and stares daggers at you, you might want to consider tuning it down a notch. It's not Morse code, it's instant messenger. The keys require considerably less pressure to activate than your average stapler and you don't get extra points for making them cry. I know this for a fact because I drove your keyboard for the last two weeks while trying (and failing) to explain the intricacies of "ping" and "tracert" and I distinctly recall not needing to strike the keys with enough force to snap a baby carrot. If you're going to type that loudly you might as well just call. Hell, invite them into our shared cube to hang out and sit on the desk. Put their feet up on the bridge of my nose. That would be less annoying than hearing the crunch of helmet-to-helmet contact you make with each stroke.

Uch, dealing with people is so not why I got into computers.


b said...

I just spent, Literally!, an hour and 1/2 trying to make copies!
9 multiple jams later, I don't even know if I got the correct number of copies done.

This is soooo not why I got into dealing with people.

I wanna 'Office Space' that mutherfucker~!

and Fuck your dude. Fuck him right in the face!

Obviously you're being too nice or something. I mean, he got the job by not being a tard right? I mean there must be a reason why he works in computers and was actually hired. If not, seriously...I want an application! I'm sure that fucknugget is making plenty of dough for doing dick, other than making your life more difficult.

(obviously I'm in about a fine a mood as a madman)

marky said...

Are you really 251 years old?

Chief Ninja Monkie said...

BITCHES! All of them! DIE DIE DIE!

Ahhh...much better now. Thanks

zandria said...

I can totally feel your pain on this one. I used to have an officemate at a previous job who typed like someone who was on crack + caffeine...and also it was VERY LOUD. Quite annoying, I must say. :)