Thursday, September 20

Centrum: Look What We're Gunna Do To Your Insides

Are you kidding me? This is seriously the best ad campaign they could come up with?

What do you suspect the makers of Centrum paid for this embarrassing display of mandex (patent pending) and misconception? A few cool mil? Do you know what I could have done with that money??

Yes. The men in foam and tights are slinging finger guns.

Ok, anyway, here's the scoop: the impetus of the mantight campaign is that "new formula" of Centrum supposedly provides some kind of mutual vitamin and mineral enhancement. I guess it makes you feel better or live longer or something, but they never really say. I won't bother getting into the quasi-science behind all of these recommended supplement doses, I mean, go ahead and have the most nutritious urine in town, knock yourself out. While you're at it, you can also get a free (probably 24k) jumpdrive if you buy enough of this product that doesn't even like itself, here.

That's the thing; these vitamins and minerals represent the new campaign, which is actually "Centum: Working Better Together", but all the ads express is how the individual vitamins are not only are unable to coexist, but they outright stand each other! There's no "working better together" apparent here, there's nothing but irritation, which I don't know about you but is the last thing I'd want in my supplement. In fact, the ads make these vitamins look not so much like something you'd want going on in your stomach and more like some kind of Gumby meets Seth Rogan's Sense of Humor Gone Wild.

Each of the new campaign ads (there are 12) consists of a pair of vitamins getting in to some sort of squabbly mess over things like who is more nutritious, who has a better singing voice, and who should be the starting quarterback for the Jets.

Like here:

"I hate it when you sneeze while I'm talking! Wahhhh!"

and here:

"Oh maaaaaan"

and here:

"Okay, one more time dumbass, you don't speak when I'm speaking. Got it?"

and again here:

"I hate being in the same bottle as you! *Sob*!"

"Not as much as I do! ARRRGHH!"

Yeah, it's not pretty. It hasn't come to blows yet but there have already been tears shed. They just started "working together" and they're already clearly sick of each other. In fact, I've never seen a more irritated group, and I work with Feds. This is not good.

As a consumer it makes me wonder if I really want to be ingesting these guys. I mean, am I going to need some pepto and a xanax chaser with my Centurm? Why don't they just come infused with good ol' vitamin X, then? Seems it would make the whole process a little easier to swallow.

Now, see what you can do to help me convince B that we should go as Vitamin's B and K this year. And don't forget to drink your nutritionally infused cow nectar, 'k?


Beakerz said...

Hey, the Jets' starter last week did a pretty nice job. Why ya gotta always pick on the Jets.


Scott said...

mmmm cow nectar

Debbie Downer said...

Mandex. I love it!

mineIsay said...

centrum's "one a day women" made me throw up. let them keep their irritable mandex syndrome and their silly arguments, I hope their new binding outfits make them puke.

haveyouseenlucky said...

This is why I just eat Total instead, it's got all that crap in cereal form.

average blogger said...

My 4-year-old has started singing this thing he heard on some cartoon that basically goes, "There's a party in my tummy and the carrots want to come..." But jeez, I think we will not be inviting the Centrum folks, they look like they'd start a fight and bust up the furniture or something.

Greeney said...

did you say vitamin or vikaten?

Beakerz said...


Debbie Downer said...

Thanks for adding me to your list of blogs! I feel special.

Greeney said...

I love this blog..everytime i drop in ... something makes me laugh!

Hunny Bee May said...

Ditto on the nutritious urine...tried to convince my mother of this fact but she'd rather waste her dollars on vitamin enriched toliet cleaner than put it in, say, a retirement fund.
Thanks for a laugh!