Thursday, May 31

Penis, Penis, Penis. Vagine, Vagine, Vagine.



As you know, I'm forever searching for ways to add to my stockpile of awkward situations fueled by my rampant social dysmorphic disorder. Thankfully, for the incredibly sociably inept like myself, these events are none too difficult to find.

Take, for example, the outcome of a prearranged gathering of my friends where one acquaintance in particular was to finally "meet" a good friend of mine in hopes of them falling blissfully in lust and running off together into the night. And if all went well, remaining together well on into the following day, if not more. This beginning seemed like a given since I find them both to be so very awesome. Clearly, all I had to do was get the two of them in the same place at the same time and then step back as to avoid the shrapnel as nature took it's course.

Since they live about 40 miles apart, which means about 3 hours in DC traffic, getting them to this meeting was a long and somewhat arduous process.

Enter the Ditz:
By the time the parties in question arrived on scene, I had already consumed my annual quota of alcohol (one DCTea) and was blissfully unaware of any goings on outside of those taking place in my own pickled skull. You know, that place that once contained my brain.

I would like to say that if I'd had my wits about me that I would have thought/remembered to introduce these two parties so that they could get on to more important tasks like picking out their centerpieces and naming their children, alas I suspect that you already know that my blaming the beverage is unfounded and that I likely would have dropped this social ball (that's right B and Scott, I said "ball".!) as so many balls (BALLS BALLS BALLS!) before it regardless of my inebriation.

You know what would be perfect? If I could find like a combo class that taught social skills AND how to fall down on the padded parts.

...Tai Kwon Hello?





6 comments:

DaGince said...

Yeah way ta go drunko!!
As Scott would say, I'm ashamed of you.

Try2Tri said...

That class is known as Needtsza 101. You're just not big on homework I've found ;)

and I coulda picked up the ball (scott) but whatever. It'll happen =)

Happy Birthday again

Scott said...

Would I say that? Well, mayhaps.

Scott said...

oh.. and "Mmmm; Penis"

haveyouseenlucky said...

No problem, here's what you do.

Go to craigslist and write TWO "missed connections" posts. One for each of them.

Then alert them to this mystery person at your party who was eyeing them and offer to arrange a meeting. They can't resist.

Chief Ninja Monkie said...

I can help you with the drinking and falling down part, if you would like.

Cheers!

BTW - My captcha word was ugkyeokl. LOL!