Monday, April 16


Had this blog been in production in the mid to late 1990's it undoubtedly would have been dominated by a litany of parking and parking related complaints. I'm talking total and complete domination. Those parking fairies followed me around college with their ticket books as if I were Orenthal James!

I got $75 tickets for "parking on the lines" when my old behemoth car wouldn't fit inside the lines. A Campus Parking "officer" once gave me a ticket for parking in a fire lane when my car broke down there (and I was sitting in it. In the rain. At 2am. Crying). But my favorite was when I'd return to the car and find it adorned with a ticket for "expired meter" while the meter in question was still fully fed. Once I could have sworn I heard it burp.

With no appeals process in place and no recourse whatsoever, the asshole bastards of Campus Parking acted with disgusting impunity. In fact, at one point during my illustrious college career, I was to pay almost as much to The University of Maryland in parking tickets as tuition. The special exclusive article I wrote for the school paper (an audience of over 35,000) detailing the generalized cruelty and inherent intellectual challenges of the Campus Parking department could certainly have made matters worse, but luckily enough for me, the Campus Parking staff were (and likely remain) not only as stupid as I had depicted but illiterate as well, so I escaped furthering their wrath while furthering my reputation as The Ticket Maven.

As it turns out, had I paid all of the parking tickets that I received nearly a decade ago (and possibly had I also not accused the Campus Parking department of widespread mental retardation in a very public forum), I would have had a nice chunk of cash returned to me this year from the state of Maryland. Instead, my 2006 state tax return was "intercepted" and garnished as if I were Orenthal James.


haveyouseenlucky said...

I get it. They're nickel-and-diming you (those dirty bastards)

I used to have this plan for a product of a private "boot" that you could put on your wheels so that the city could never boot you or tow your car themselves. I got booted a lot when I lived in Dupont circle, and no, that's not code for anything.

Chief Musical Ninja Monkie said...

Garnished, huh? With like carrot curls or cherry tomato roses?

jennifer starfall said...

college park, eh? when i lived down there i heard that the only city in the US that issued more tickets was san francisco.

Lori said...

wow.. it took them this long to catch up to you... and then wham.. bastards.

BeautifulDisaster said...

Serious?? No way! I actually had my graduate degree held up until I paid a 10 year old parking ticket. Should've picked a different school I guess.

Scott said...

Nice! I can't believe they waited this long. Isn't it past some statute of limitations?

NoodleP said...

ok - so what is with you and tickets. And 10 years after the fact is total crap!

Beakerz said...

Fucking Fuckers!

dara said...

When I was in my last semester of law school at Florida, I had to leave campus at lunchtime for my internship, but when I had to be back for class in the late afternoon, there was never any parking. Sure, you could drive around the parking lots for an hour or more hoping to find someone going to their car, but the odds of success were about 1:100, and I'd miss class by doing that. So, since I had a small car, I started creatively inventing spots -- you know, parking in places where it didn't clearly state that I couldn't park.

The end result, of course, was that for about two weeks, I got a parking ticket every single day. I actually paid the tickets, though, since they were only about $15 each.

Then I got a note saying that if I got another ticket, I wouldn't graduate. I was annoyed with this, considering it was the same school that let football tailgaters -- and not students -- park at the law school library the weekend before finals.

So, choosing the lesser of two evils, I started skipping class. I got a C+ in Family Law, but I still managed to graduate.

I think the point of this is that parking ticket hassles are common to everywhere with a big college. But maybe I was just venting.