Wednesday, March 7

Do This Don't Do That Can't

As you surely know, today is yesterday was national Blog Against Sexism day.
In honor of good old BAS, I present to you a sampling of signs that can be found posted around my office and in keeping with the impetus behind national Blog Against Sexism day, these signs clearly reflect that stupidity knows no gender.

First we have the signage posted around the office water cooler. The sign on the right reads:
"Water is for WaterClub members ONLY!!! Cost is $6/mth. See Pam if interested in joining".

Included amongst the unnecessary capitol letters and extraneous exclamation points is a whimsical clip art of a wallet, which is likely an attempt to keep the implied extortion in exchange for natures most abundant resource as lighthearted as possible.

The chart on the left indicates who has paid their water bill and who has not.
Once you have committed to the ranks of "The WaterClub" and failed to pay the liquid levy, your name appears on this chart, highlighted in yellow, for all to see. Both of these signs are displayed prominently in the small office kitchen. The sign with the chart also encourages all patrons of the office kitchen, whether they are on the list or not, to confront and thwart any ne'er-do-wells and beverage burglars if discovered partaking in the forbidden hydration without authorization.

This series of signage provides not only a wealth of shame and embarrassment for both the outright prohibited would-be water drinkers and those who have been unable to fork over their oppressive monthly water dues since August of 2005, but also gives me something to cackle about when I'm the last one left at the office at night and gleefully weazing the forbidden juice.

This next sign was found in the ladies room, wedged in the door of a stall, and helpfully indicates that a particular toilet is not functioning correctly. Now I don't know about you but I cant imagine being so self-involved as to sign an out of order napkin with my name. Is personal credit really necessary in such situations? What exactly is it that you are taking credit for, here?

Whats next? Autographed tampons? Diaper dioramas?

Last, but certainly not least, is a photo of a sign posted over the office utility sink. The instruction found in the first line ("turn the faucet off") reminds me of an old Seinfeld stand up routine where he wonders aloud why the faucets in public bathrooms only allow you a few seconds of water before you have to soap-handedly mash the button again.

It also reminds me how stupid people are due to the actual need for a reminder to, before departing, turn off a sink which you have turned on. It additionally serves as a gentle preparation for the line that follows...


haveyouseenlucky said...

Ha, HA I say.
Good post, I appreciate your effort! You made me laugh.

Is that last one real?

Also you should start an 'air club' to go with the water club at work.

haveyouseenlucky said...

I also like how you don't just see pam to join, but see Pam if you are "interested" in joining;

Pam, I'm seriously considering joining the water club. Can you hook me up with an application and give me any hints about being accepted? What benefits can I expect from my membership? Is there a credit union?

dionna said...

Haveyouseenlucky's comment is *almost* as funny as this post ;)
Hilarious, I wish I had random signs like this at work - maybe I'll create some, just to give people a chuckle.

Needtsza said...

agreed. Never thought about the "interested" in joining. Maybe you can use frequent drinking miles

Funny ass post and yes, I believe the last one is as real as the rest. Government workers ladies and gentlemen

DaGince said...

I know the TRUE meaning of this post. I know I do, I do.

Scott said...

I'm DE-sturbed ;-) by the Water Club. Is this some sort of front? You know, you pay $6 per month under the guise of getting someone's Brita-syphoned-piss when really you are signing up for late-nite Water-sports debauchery in the utility closet with the one-eyed janitor (the one with the penis the size of a beef roast).

Anywho, you'd be disturbed to know that my company GIVES us filtered water...and coke, diet coke, cherry coke, gingerale, fruit juices, mountain dew, coffee, tea, hot cocoa, cup-o-soup....and don't forget Dunkin Donut Munchkins on Fridays. Tell Pam to put that in her pipe and smoke it through her twat whilst the "Water Club" showers her with piss. :mumble: Fascist Water Cunt :/mumble:

Scott said...

P.S. Have I told you lately that I love you. Oh yeah, and the meds are working fine...JUST fine

zandria said...

Interesting signs in your workplace! I guess I should be lucky that my employer provides those nice jugs of filtered water without us having to contribute. Your coworkers sound pretty fanatical (but I might be, too, if I was paying for it and other people weren't). :)

dwb said...

"what do they think we are going to do....turn on all of the faucets and run around the parking lot screaming 'WATER. WATER everywhere' pushing each other into the bushes"

i cannot believe these are real signs...don't forget to put the new cover on the TPS report...