Wednesday, February 7

Airing of Grievance

I'm pretty disgusted with all of you right now.

Here's why:

Based on the near-blackness of his teeth, we've suspected for some time now that kitty was going to need to get some dental work done. Yeah, we figured that out all by ourselves, we did.

Overprotective and incredibly uncomfortable with the concept of the vet putting him under (which apparently is a necessity regardless of how timid and awesome a kitty is) to have his teeth cleaned, we purposely waited until he was officially "geriatric" to get the work done so that they'd run a slew of liver and kidney blood work before putting him under. No idea why they won't run these tests on cats under 8 but they just won't. At least it gave me the opportunity to use "slew".

B had the day off, thanks to the blizzard of '07, giving him the opportunity to pace around the veterinarian's waiting room like an expectant father while I waited not-so-patiently at work for the phone to ring with feline-related news. I got very little work done, even by my standards (unless fretting relentlessly counts) and really should have been under the blankets at home under heavy sedation myself.

I'll put an end to the suspense right now and tell you that everything worked out just fine. Jake is "very healthy" with clean teeth, ears, paws, and rectum. Wait-- what? I thought he was just going in to have his teeth cleaned? What's all this extraneous hoohah here on my bill?:

  • Nail Trimming -- $88.13
  • Ear Cleaning -- $147.38
  • Ear Cytology -- $47.47
  • Ear Packing -- $47.92
  • Ear Meds -- $34.80
  • Oral Rinse -- $24.16
  • Cepa Antibiotic -- $37.22
  • Anal bleaching -- $140

Wtf? An already outrageously expensive procedure performed on our little dearest fuzzy more than doubled in anticipated price due to procedures that we did not approve and more drugs than Tara Reid can identify? So very uncool! Where the hell did they get those numbers anyway? "$47.47"? The fuck kind of procedure costs $47.47? What happened to good old rounded off dollar amounts?? That's gotta be the bullshittiest bullshit charge I've ever seen. I can almost hear the lab techs sitting around giggling when they punched that one into the computer!

Besides the fact that we didn't want anything done to his ears let alone four things with randomly assciated costs, what's this $88.13 for nail clipping bullshit? I've clipped his nails every month for the last 94 just fine and without sedation thank you very much, and know damn well that while it's no roll at a rave it's certainly not $88.13 worth of work.

I'm disgusted. Thoroughly disgusted that they've milked us for money in our time of need and concern.

And yes, I was kidding about the anal bleaching.


The vet's office wouldn't release Jake to us until the gigantic bill was paid so B had to charm them a bit. After almost an hour of negotiating and claiming kitty welfare, he managed to wrangle the bill down to nearly where it should have been and Jakers was sprung. 30% discount for pet dental month, my aunt Vagine.

When all is said and done, Jakers is home and safe and warm. He's not particularly pleased with us (can't say that I am either) and may not come out from under the bed for some time, but at least he won't be chewing his crunchies like he has a crow jammed in his craw. And that's what really matters. I just hate how it seems that everywhere I look is reminder that every industry is, at it's core, a thinly veiled scam or a cold, heartless business.


MAD MAC said...

I will trade you pet-Vet Bills anytime!!!!

Hmmm 2 Big labs and 2 Horses..

Wanna Trade!!!!

Miss Scarlet said...

That's why I can't have a puppy yet-bc I can't afford the vet fees:(

dwb said...

wow, that is one montage of a bill.

BeautifulDisaster said...

It is about goddamned time we start calling it what it is - a scam!! If you challenge the vet, you are a heartless bastard who doesn't care about the health of your best friend, right?? I finally took my cat in to get his balls chopped, and the bill was something like this:
ballchop - $87.43
earmite treatment - 57.95
earmite medication - $19.95
physical exam - $49.99
no more pornographic hairy danglers - priceless

CruiserMel said...

I feel so cheated. I went to the dentist today and they didn't even offer to bleach my anal glands. Bitches.

DaGince said...

You could have just stuck his head in the toilet and waited for the Orbit Gum Lady...gotta teach you people everything, geeze!
and PS
I pay TWICE that when I get my back door whitewashed! Bitch Bitch Bitch... count yourself lucky.

Good to know JK is OK.

Chief Musical Ninja Monkie said...

Now multiply that by 5 and you have a glimmer of my life. LOL.

NoodleP said...

I think you should have done wht the vet does to me when he comes out for the horses - I think we shoul dbe able to charge the vet an office call. Everytime that vet steps foot on the farm property for that horses it is $60... I wish I could get $60 for going to the vet!

Ashburnite said...

I can't believe they do all of that work without your approval. And $88 for a nail clipping??! Are they serious? It takes about five minutes and doesn't involve any materials other than the clippers. I would consider changing vets.

Anonymous said...

A short story:
1. Boomer can't pee. (Weekend)
2. Two nights at the vet.
3. Boomer pees.
4. $1,500.

kershdo said...

Come to Wild and Wonderful - 50 bucks for the works. HeeHee

b said...

Or just hire me and I'll save you 200 bux by taking the hits from the loud bitch that works the desk.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna purchase that cream. Poor lil'pup

Rothko10 said...

My aunt took her dog to the vet. For $500, they gave a vaccine of some kind. Two weeks later, the dog is definitely not doing well. They take it back and determine she has diabetes and they should not have given the dog what they gave her if she had diabetes. What? Don't you check for that shit before-hand. Response: "You didn't ask us to." Two months later, the dog is dead. Scam. Cruel, heartless, scam.

Stacy said...

Are you sure you like your vet, because anal bleaching sounds like another way to say "my boat payment" ... um, I'll trim your cats nails for free!! Please don't ever pay $88 for that again. I will come to your house and do it for free.