Where have I been? I'll tell you where I've been. I've been scouring the Earth for the absolute best price on an InSinkErAtor Beaver 5 Garbage Disposal for the "new" condo's kitchen sink. No, not the Beaver 6. Clearly that would be unacceptable. Really, what were you thinking? I must have the Beaver 5 and I must have it for the best price in the Universe. Plus free shipping!
And the same goes for your friends there, hot water spigot, dishwasher and microwave hood combo! Bundle up kids because you're going on a cross country overnight expedited ride!
Loading up the "new" place with all kinds of "unnecessary" gadetry according-to-the-condo-board --like, you know, an oven-- has sucked some good years of life right out of me and caused my highlights to abandon my head so fast they left grey screeching tire tracks. What I'm sure is just the beginning of my hateful relationship with the condo board has wreaked just enough havoc upon my packing time to cause what's left of my life to run downright amok. I don't know where anything is but yet everything is absolutely everywhere.
I am within inches of driving off into the sunset with a box of ring dings, so don't push me.