Tuesday, November 28

"Because, Officer, I'm a Fucking Idiot"

Right up there with the traditional turkey, stuffing, and volume exceeding that of most sold-out major football arenas is the requisite eight rounds of Cousin Movie Battle Royale that takes place every year when the fam comes together from far and wide.

In the end, I often succeed my better judgment and wind up watching holiday winners such as Elf, Face-Off, or Ghandi. This year (likely due to the absence of several testosterone carriers) we went to see Borat.

Most illustrious entertain movie, yah?

The disgusted bliss of my brother and cousin T (who were rendered silent with laughter during the wrestling scene) alone was worth the entrance fee. Perhaps even the air fare. I mean that's just some jaw-droppingly horrible hysteria there.

Can't you just hear Sacha Baron Cohen in the editing room demanding that they make that black bar bigger?: "No, longer! Make it longer!!".

I fear that my brothers' girlfriend will never forgive me. But at least I think that she's finally grasped the concept of "redneck" which up until now I've been failing to accurately convey.

When we left the movie theater we left the N. Dartmouth Mall completely abandoned. My brother (who is already infamous for his reckless endangerment of man and beast when behind the wheel) was driving and soon realized that we needed to drop cousin M off at his hotel which was in the opposite direction. It was then that brother decided to perpetrate some... creative driving maneuvers:

Making a U-turn in the exact center of town during a rainstorm was probably a bad idea. Doing so when you should be adhering to a red light was probably a worse idea. Good thing that only the 5 cousins packed into the rental Volvo and four state troopers were on site to witness this wildly menacing operation -- wait, hold up-- what?!

Yup, four state troopers.

Right there at the light.

Brilliant!


On a side note, I'm encroaching upon three nicotine-free weeks. It'd be a full three weeks if not for one day of blissfully neglecting to remember that I'm trying to stop smoking. I really can't even talk about it because, as everyone who has ever tried to quit something probably knows, doing so completely tweaks one out. For example, I read this article just now and it made my mouth water. That's pretty sick, huh?

Anyway, here is a photo of my brother navigating the only vehicle he will soon be legally permitted to drive (along with the only passenger willing to copilot):

"Rock and rolllllll!"

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha, aren't brothers awesome?! Thanks for sharing some of your holiday drama with me, I needed some. :)

-Sarah
www.psychgirl83.livejournal.com

Rothko said...

Congrats on the no smoking!

Anonymous said...

I love pictures of people who are lost.

Golightly said...

hilarious!!

Anonymous said...

Keep up the great work with the non-smoking. New Years will be two years for me and every day gets better without them.

You smell much better too!

dwb said...

so i'm assuming you weren't making a quick phone call when i was on that razor - damn you and your nokia spymaster.

and, for the record, i am not a reckless driver - ask JB. She actually sleeps while I drive...

Scott, the trooper was such a hotie, sorry you missed it....

Lori said...

congrats on the no smoking. I am very proud of you! and I swear this year can't end nearly fast enough.. Roberto and I have said it all year long.. this has just been a BAD year. Something crappy has happened to almost everyone I know. Major total suckage this year. :( Ah well Here's to next year being better for all of us..

Anonymous said...

Why is it when cousins join forces such debauchery ensues? Congrats on the three weeks.

Scott said...

dwb: You are SUCH a tease, bro. Seriously, don't tease the animals...and fix your hair!

dwb said...

there is nothing wrong with my limited remaining hair....actually, is there?

sigh

Needtsza said...

such a sensitive POA ;)

ya look great.....unless you're driving ;) (now breath....breath)

Anonymous said...

This is Cuz M, and the movie borat is freaken hilarious, and pretty disgusting. The U turn incident was hilarious. I had a great time at thanksgiving this year.