"Because, Officer, I'm a Fucking Idiot"

Right up there with the traditional turkey, stuffing, and volume exceeding that of most sold-out major football arenas is the requisite eight rounds of Cousin Movie Battle Royale that takes place every year when the fam comes together from far and wide.

In the end, I often succeed my better judgment and wind up watching holiday winners such as Elf, Face-Off, or Ghandi. This year (likely due to the absence of several testosterone carriers) we went to see Borat.

Most illustrious entertain movie, yah?

The disgusted bliss of my brother and cousin T (who were rendered silent with laughter during the wrestling scene) alone was worth the entrance fee. Perhaps even the air fare. I mean that's just some jaw-droppingly horrible hysteria there.

Can't you just hear Sacha Baron Cohen in the editing room demanding that they make that black bar bigger?: "No, longer! Make it longer!!".

I fear that my brothers' girlfriend will never forgive me. But at least I think that she's finally grasped the concept of "redneck" which up until now I've been failing to accurately convey.

When we left the movie theater we left the N. Dartmouth Mall completely abandoned. My brother (who is already infamous for his reckless endangerment of man and beast when behind the wheel) was driving and soon realized that we needed to drop cousin M off at his hotel which was in the opposite direction. It was then that brother decided to perpetrate some... creative driving maneuvers:

Making a U-turn in the exact center of town during a rainstorm was probably a bad idea. Doing so when you should be adhering to a red light was probably a worse idea. Good thing that only the 5 cousins packed into the rental Volvo and four state troopers were on site to witness this wildly menacing operation -- wait, hold up-- what?!

Yup, four state troopers.

Right there at the light.

Brilliant!

On a side note, I'm encroaching upon three nicotine-free weeks. It'd be a full three weeks if not for one day of blissfully neglecting to remember that I'm trying to stop smoking. I really can't even talk about it because, as everyone who has ever tried to quit something probably knows, doing so completely tweaks one out. For example, I read this article just now and it made my mouth water. That's pretty sick, huh?

Anyway, here is a photo of my brother navigating the only vehicle he will soon be legally permitted to drive (along with the only passenger willing to copilot):

"Rock and rolllllll!"