Monday, June 5

Crabby (UPDATED 6/7/6)

After nearly 36 hours spent entrenched in hardcore denial, I can now say with near certainty that I have lost my cellphone.

That damn phone has been more like an appendage lately, it being my only means of communicating with the outside world. The world with windows.

The frustration caused by this seemingly unremarkable act is proving to be immesurable. Especially since coupled with a dead car battery, a zooophobic brother tasked with transporting a cat with explosive diarrhea over state lines, a boyfriend who five years and some 50,000 pictures into our relationship still does not grasp the never-ever-ever-under-absolutely-any-circumstances
-take-AND/OR-POST-ON-THE-INTERNET-any-photographs-of-my-hips decree, as well as thwarted intentions of getting together with a friend I haven't seen in some 15 years. Currently feeling as if I'd be better able to effect change if I'd instead had my right hand amputated.

Oh, all the voice mails and text messages I'm surely missing! It's driving me batty! Not to mention that I was three stars short of earning expert status on every Diner Dash level. Damnit.

The worst part of it all is that it's likely entirely my fault and I can't blame anyone or call up any customer service numbers to unwind by giving Verizon, Amazon, Comcast and/or BestBuy a tongue-lashing. Well, I suppose I could...

Before the world went silent and I started circling the apartment, repeatedly searching under the couch cushions, refrigerator, toilet bowls, and ottomon dozens of times, we had quite a bit of fun this weekend. Took D&J down to Dupont and Haines Point where we played some wiffleball and climbed the awakening. When the city folk reached their DC threshold, we zipped on up to bumblefuck for a good ol' fashioned "hillbilly" crabfest. The local gang was in not-so-rare and hysterical form, and I ate shrimp and crabs and crabcakes until it hurt and then I ate some more.

My car wouldn’t start this morning but my stomach is turning over and over juuuust fine.

Blogger is acting all crabby and Niki gave her notice today. Hurry and get your votes in regarding my officigraphical locale, as I may soon have yet another new desk option in the mix. Pink is the new desk!?

(Why, yes, that is a circus peanut. How keen of you to notice. Trust me, it's applicable).


{insert diagram here when blogger readjusts attitude problem}

8 comments:

Needtsza said...

I thought you found your cell last night?

and yes, I'm an idiot. Like usual.

I can't seem to shake the dumbfuck that is me.

All hail me, King of the Insensitives.

Needtsza said...

and no, I'm not fucking kidding.

Scott said...

are you going through withdrawal???

dwb said...

did you see that little girl climbing the knee of the awakening. Btw, I never want to see cat shit, or for that matter another cat, for the rest of my life. I know why he's called boomer now and it's not because he likes shrooms.....

Lori said...

I say stick with the green dot. why?? because you will always know when your bosslady is at her desk or away.

Benefits of this??

If she's at her desk, you can do as you please with yahoo mail, blogging, other non-work items. You'll know when she leaves, and during that time you can be on 'high alert' and be more cautious of your activities until she returns to her desk.. You'll know when she's going to lunch, when she's going to a meeting etc. You'll get to hear what is going on in the department, which might give you an edge in the future.. Plus, since you don't have the chance to use the phone that much, it's not like she's going to be listening in on your calls. :)

Maybe think of it this way.. remember in school, the kids that sat up close to the teacher usually got on the teachers good side, while the kids that sat in the back always seemed to be in trouble.. If you continue to want to sit as far away from her as possible, she's going to think you are just trying to get away from her so you can cause problems.

anyway that's my .02 :)

Passionflower said...

Hey now! My cube has a total of three and a half walls, I only see three on this diagram! You are withholding important piece of information that could play a significant role in the final outcome. :>}

NoodleP said...

HEY - I resemble that picture!

honeykbee said...

Ok, updated the diagram to reflect requested accuracy. Better?