He wanted the blue and green fork. NOT the green and blue fork.

Because I told him we didn't have time to count the petals.

Because yes, we can walk around the lake, as soon you put your jacket on.

See that Gerber ad above? All I have to say is wtf. I mean, WTF. How is this cool? No, seriously. I'm seriously asking. How is...

Yes, we have some bananas. We have some bananas today. We ate some bananas, and then we had none. We bought more bananas, so now we have so...

What ever you're doing right now, just stop. You're done. Just give up. Frankly, I don't know why you bothered to bother in the ...

As a parent, you need your friends more than ever. All those years of friendship pre-baby were merely practice. No one else you know is pare...

The moment you've all both been waiting for has arrived! Yes, yes it's true: Beelog brings you another fabulously famous installmen...

Happy new year. Let's get down to business. It has been said that there are substances on Earth more vile than glitter. I beg to differ....

Not many of us sad sacks here at the office today. Just the select few who have, for one reason or another *cough* pregnancy *cough* failed...

"Frown Is A Four Letter Word" Um, see, no. Here's the thing. No, it's not. Allow me to demonstrate: F: one letter R: secon...

Aren't the members of our population who don't know to leave a burning building the ones that we can kinda do without anyway?

Even when I'm away I still think of you. See?

I'm laying in bed at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. Having spent the night romping around with my girlfriend, S., and her brother-in-la...

...and Hobbes Born April 12, 2010, 8:14pm

Forget the fortune cookie and look out Ghandi, the next wave in spiritual resources is clearly going to be the ever-knowing pizza box:

Top of my page from yesterday's morning meeting: Where is your brain? Seriously, where is your brain?? Well, I know where it isn't.....

Dangnabit. The dashboard readout of "71 degrees" didn't show up in the photo. Point being: can you believe these filthy, humo...

I have an incredible amount of sadness in my life lately and an incredible amount of work to do today, but it's all just going to have ...

I've spent the last THIRTEEN years residing here, South of the Mason-Dixon, searching for specific delicacies not easily nor often found...

Something that has always boggled my mind? Sign stores with really bad signs. They're everywhere. In fact, I'm not sure I've ev...

I don't recall ever being quite so tempted to steal something as I am to take that stickypad.

By the time I was able to break free of the 8 foot (12 foot? Who can tell anymore) snow drift blocking my car in it's icy parking lot to...

Should it be "we ARE close for remoderlation" or "we IS close for remodelation"? English are so trickly.

Or maybe this is bad news? Sign noted this very morning outside of our neighborhood Starbucks. Now I have good reason to get that jogging st...

Spencer Pratt and The Syndrome . You decide:

Aloha, ya'll (or, "you there", as the case may be). Hope you had a pleasant end to your 2009 and a very festive "two-seco...

If you don't talk to your cat about the perils of catnip, who will? At the very least, teach him how to roll a proper blunt.

I --- I --- I don't even know what to say.

The photo below was taken on November 3, 2009, in downtown Bethesda, Maryland. And yes, mom, I was there for legitimate work related reasons...

you creepy, creepy cookie you

Things about which I wonder: What happened to Cary Elwes? And I don't even mean the botched plastic surgery, I mean how did he go from b...

Welcome back to our provocative and deeply disturbing series on bathroom habits. Thank you for joining us, do have a seat. In previous chap...

Thank you, Sears! You have done a thoroughly awesome job of mucking up our entire lives! And not just because the dirty, rank dishes are pil...

Seriously, why? Why must you insist on polluting our shared space with your toxic, greasy fumes? How is one supposed to get any procrastina...

Do hope you enjoy your new year... ...because it's going to be your last as a non-diabetic! I mean, are you kidding me? LOOK AT THIS THI...