Friday, July 8

Total Immersion Parenting Lessons

  • As a parent, you need your friends more than ever. All those years of friendship pre-baby were merely practice.
  • No one else you know is parenting in the same way you are (or even remotely close), and everyone thinks each other's ways are crazy. The internet proves only that you are all correct.
  • Getting sunscreen on a toddler is akin to flossing a crocodile. If you suspect I'm exaggerating then you either don't have a red-headed child or your veterinary dental practice has a zero tolerance policy for working on un-sedated patients.
  • It's true, what they say, about the not sleeping. As hard as it is to believe, you, too, will never sleep soundly again. And yes, I do mean never. Ever. Never ever.
  • Speaking of never: Never, under any circumstances, take so much as half a step backwards. Even if you're relatively certain the child is in another room. Because they're not. They are directly behind you.
  • Never, under any circumstances, leave a box of Cheerios unattended.
  • This
  • When your child calls his daddy "dada" and everyone else "mama", he doesn't mean to break your heart. But he does.
  • Prunes are made from plums. Go really, really easy on the plums.
  • Hold off for as long as possible on playing, "where's your nose"? Because once they find it, nostrils instantly become toy numero uno, with a bullet.
  • A medical degree has nothing on a mom's intuition. But goldfish have better memory.
  • Should your husband present the following argument, have either him or yourself immediately committed to a local psychiatric institute: "What's one more log on the fire at this point"?
  • Trumping the wheel as best invention ever: Skype
  • Just go ahead and have your cable disconnected at week 30. You won't turn that shiny box on again for about a year.
  • Seriously, did you know that prunes ARE plums?!


Josephine Salome Ulnits said...

Hi - I came across your blog recently by chance (I was googling images of plush Hobbes-tigers and it led me to you), and I have to say: You are awesome. I love it, it is so funny and clever, I am just like you with spelling and stupid little things in everyday life that makes you wonder. So I love every post.
I almost fell from my chair from laughing when I read the one with wanting to steal the stickypad, hahaha. Reminded me of Dylan Moran, the Irish comedian, who talked about pedantic roommates who left annoying little notes everywhere complaining and reminding about everything. And how he had started leaving notes for her: "Dear Tina. Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. Your mom called just to say she was glad she hadn´t heard from you. Hiya :)." :-D
Anyway, just wanted to let you know you bring a smile to more peoples faces than you might think. We are out here reading and enjoying it.
Thanks for blogging, and keep it up :). All the best from Josephine in Copenhagen, Denmark.

kbee said...

Wow, this SO made my day. Sincere thanks to you, Josephine in Copenhangen, Denmark!