Monday, August 31

The Downfall of Society

What the heck is this thing? And what is its problem?

Does it have a name? Who invented it? And when did it become acceptable to dole out napkins in this fashion? We've gone from luxurious cotton napkins awaiting us at the table, to plucking our own piles of paper (as you see fit) from a metal box, to juggling our food while wrestling with an obnoxious, self-serve, single pop-up whittled cardboard dispensary? From waitress service to being charged an additional 35cents per ketchup packet? Gone are the days of being able to grab a pile of plush paper napkins with which to sop up your pizza's delicious grease. Gone are the days of free sweet-n-sour sauce! Have you tried asking for mustard at your local fastfooderie of late? Go ahead, ask. You might be quite taken aback by the response.

Now, in addition to forking over additional funds for damn near everything, we must also suppress the urge to wipe our asses with each and every napkin obtained, as we pluck them, one by one from the gaping beak of an unruly and unattractive vertical beast.

Are the only people making money these days the repo men and the inventors of slicker ways to pinch pennies?

(Oh, and government contractors...)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Reminds me very much of the toilet paper dispensers at Brooklyn College, upon which someone had written "open enrollment diplomas".