Right now, I'm picking and choosing which tidbits of advice to take from my "new" endocrinologist.
Items up for debate:
- Humans are designed to walk 15 miles daily to hunt and gather food, therefore you should be walking at least 60 minutes daily. The days you don't walk are the days you don't eat.
- All varieties of "flesh" (be it meat, fish, or foul) are to be consumed sparingly (every two weeks or so) and in portion sizes no larger than the cup of your hand (a small plum).
- Starches, sugars, and dairy are not to be consumed at all.
- If you insist on having breakfast (*HA!), it should consist of one hard-boiled egg.
- Unless you have high cholesterol, then it should consist of lettuce.
- Which will not be a problem to fix since you are already having that for lunch and dinner.
- An "average" sized apple is actually 2-3 servings of fruit and should be eaten sparingly, in at least two sittings.
- Splenda is the devil's cocaine. One packet of Splenda in your coffee will result in immediate onset of terminal cirrhosis. Two packets will condemn you and your entire family to an eternity in Parsippany.
- Be aware! When your body is in caloric deficit, it will do everything in it's power to set things straight, regardless of your weight. Your body doesn't know whether you've got 185lbs to lose or no weight to spare at all. All it knows is that it's supposed to get x amount of calories per day and now that it hasn't it ABSOLUTELY ADAMANTLY REQUIRES A CUPCAKE WITH EXTRA ICING RIGHT NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!
Too bad for him he looked eerily like someone I used to know, and would never take medical advice from. Poor vegan nutbag, he was doomed faster than a healthy liver getting an aspartame spongebath.
See these pointy teeth right here, doctor? That means I'm a CARNIVORE! And your fibrous ass better watch out. I'm in caloric deficit.