Friday, May 4

And She Didn't Even Ask Anything Dirty

If I've left you a nasty comment, voicemail, or seemingly out of nowhere nastygram over the last few days then please allow me to apologize in this rather public forum. Unless you're my brother, I probably didn't mean it. It's the Sudafed talking.

Below are 6 questions posed to me by average blogger (who, in truth, is anything but. Average, that is -- don't be a smartmouth). Ask and ye shall receive:

1: What was the first song you slow-danced to? Was it a good experience or bad one?

I can't say that I remember the song, it was probably the "new" Captain and Tennille or something of that ilk. What I do remember quite clearly was how wildly and awkwardly uncomfortable it was. The conjured memory causes me to wince and shake my head rapidly. Which is, you know, great for the sinuses.

2: If you could retroactively erase one TV show from the history of entertainment, which one would you choose?

Ah, a no brainer. I thought about this one for a solid four seconds. And while this might not seem like a long time for you, considering the massive doses of bloods that are in my decongestant level (wait, strike that. Reverse it.), four focused seconds can be nearly fatal. My answer? Survivor.

That's right, Survivor. I blame Survivor for the whole "Reality TV" thing and I, no-- the world would really be better off without the entire line of self-promoting celebrity-hungry band of circus freaks that it has spawned. Even LOST, which causes me to kick myself every Wednesday at 10:556pm for continuing to waste a weekly hour of my existence falls into this category of widely embraced mediocrity. Boy do I ever hate Lost. HATE it! Oh, no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it... wait... please come back! I'll change!

4: Work the crappiest job you can imagine for 5 years and then live comfortably without ever working again, or work in a job you love but have to keep working til typical retirement age? (And what would the two jobs be?)

The worst job I could imagine is the one I had last year. That or picking cotton in the fields. I would definitely pick cotton for five years as opposed to going back to what I was doing last year, in fact I'd pick it with a spring in my step and a story in my heart for five years straight without so much as a bathroom break. But I don't think that answers your question. In truth, I'd rather work at something I love every day than live "comfortably" watching daytime soaps and not contributing anything to society. If I knew what that job was, you'd be the first to hear. Not entirely uncharacteristically, I only know what I don't want.

Wait, does "living comfortably" include decadent world travel?

5: Math or English? Why?

English. There's still numbers involved in "math", right? Yeah, then definitely English.

6: What are you going to do now?

Stare at the clock until my client leaves so I can go home and drool into my pillow until sweet, sweet death (or sleep, which ever comes first) takes me.

And you...?


haveyouseenlucky said...

Ok but, did you watch survivor last night? It was so unbelievably real that my head exploded, I'm typing this with my neck stump right now..

That work question is kind of a no brainer, human beings go crazy when the are deprived of meaningful work, which is why old people are so scary. They do creepy things like wetting themselves, driving really slow, giving exact change and writing letters to 60 minutes.

Anonymous said...

x = 5. I think that's right, but I'm an English major, so who knows?

Scott said...

x does equal 5. a squared + b squared = c squared in a right triangle where c is the hypotenuse.

I was an english major too, but was damn good at math. :)

Scott said...

x does equal 5. a squared + b squared = c squared in a right triangle where c is the hypotenuse.

I was an english major too, but was damn good at math. :)