Thursday, April 5

Things That Are Currently Causing Me To Scrunch my Face in Sheer Confusion:

  • How does the dude at the dealership sleep at night when he charges $1200 to replace $6 interior lights on a car? (Don't worry, I laughed so hard when he told me that number I'm pretty sure he had to jerk the phone away from his slimy and disgusting ear for a bit).
  • Why is it that three separate people have informed me that there is a special Autism hour on Oprah today? Do my friends secretly suspect that I am autistic? Do they know something that I don't about my future offspring? Better yet, why am I slaving away at the office while three of my friends are atop their couches eating Doritos and watching Oprah mid-day. The hell is that about?
  • Speaking of couches, why did the furniture "inspector" use a heat gun to singe a wide area of fabric on my new couch before declaring a replacement necessary? I waited three weeks for this dude to show up (all the while enduring B's giggles every time I said "inspector") ... why? Also: why exactly does singed fabric smell so very, very awful and how long until the odor dissipates and returns my living room to it's natural "apple pie baked in a bong" aroma?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear that you actually know people who watch Oprah. Time to reassess your social relationships.

Scott said...

actually.. it could be worse.. right now my living room smells like a urinal puck at Cat Central Station

dwb said...

i like beer

mineIsay said...

Scott, I'll match your cat piss and raise you one billion year old mammoth shitting cat. your house does smell pretty.

honeykbee said...

Wait, your cat shit a mammoth?

Swishy said...

$1200?!?! Are you KIDDING me?!?

zandria said...

Those car mechanics are way overpaid.

Very weird about the autism thing. I don't know you personally, but you certainly don't come across as autistic through your blog. :)

haveyouseenlucky said...

I'll replace the lights in your car for HALF that amount.

That apple pie has tentacles.

DaGince said...

Maybe you and ole' mother Hubbard can sit back and watch Corkey next time she corners you in the lift?

Beakerz said...

I miss that apple pie baked bong smell myself.....chop chop! ;)

and 1200 is worth the Burst of Laughter to the face you gave the fool on the phone.

Michelle said...

I have unleashed my inner Martha Stewart *sans prison* to give this little tidbit of advice to get rid of the smell.

Take some white vinegar and place in a bowl on or near the sofa **keep Jakers away** and let sit out for a good day and the vinegar will absord the raunchiness.

Don't fret, small fry. I assure you your condo will not smell of douche. Promiss.