Thursday, December 29

Stink Stick


I've been running around and rubbing this thing on every poor slob who will let me. Lookie here, this thing just sops up stains! All you have to do is draw on that ketchup and *poof* it's magically removed from your favorite white blouse! What's that? A little blood splatter on your khakis? Not a problem! Just draw, draw, draw it away! Pants and pen no worse for the wear. For those of us who seem to drop crap on ourselves near-constantly, it's a miracle product! It's Ron Popeil's wet dream come true! The little $4 felt tip has the potential to save me hundreds if not thousands on drycleaning!

My *$ (read: Starbucks --- aren't I clever? Yeah, it's the espresso talking) cup overfloweth this afternoon and, for the first time, I used the Tide To Go Stain Remover Stick on myself. And you know what? It STINKS! Really, it just S-T-I-N-K-S!

I mean, what *is* that stench!? Couldn't they have added a little rose water (or lemon sage?) to the miracle pen before mass producing it? I mean good GOD that shit STINKS. And it's SOAP! (OK, it's probably detergent, are you happy now you little pH maven you?) What kind of funkified cleaning product smells like sea lion?! Was every member of their test market hard of smelling!?! I'd really almost rather have the dribbled mocha stain on my new pink sweater than be sitting here with practically visible pig-penian stink lines orbiting about.

So, with that, please do wait for Tide To Go version 2.0 before considering the investment.

Apologies to all my unknowing Stink Stick victims (you know who you are. At least, the person sharing a cube with you does).

And if you smell me before you see me, it's just because the Tide is out.

Probably.

2 comments:

dwb said...

Lemon sage also takes out stains, i'll have u know.

Needtsza said...

dwb: funny
hkb: and here all this time, I thought it was you