My Resume

OBJECTIVE:
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.

EDUCATION:
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask

EMPLOYMENT:

NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/97-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.

MONEY MANAGEMENT(4/92-12/97) Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.

COMPUTER SKILLS:
*Solitaire
*Minesweeper
*On/Off Repair Method

HONORS AND AWARDS:
*First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament
*Said Toast at brother's wedding
*High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine
*Honorable mention in The Sims hall of fame

For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you're considering me as either a law school applicant, or the potential bride of one.