And Now, Everyone's Favorite Installment Series: IMs the Week

WestByGd: u no how furniture looks in the showroom and when u get it to the abode it's just waaaayyyyyyy bigger than u were expecting?

slave2Unk: apparently it's broke again

ChinaMom: p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n......thy name is Karen

ISH: i dont suppose my boyfriend was stupid enough to tell you if he still loves me, was he?

Delirious: i can't resist cheese. of course, that's probably also why i've not shit since yesterday. it's funny... the older you get the more you talk about bodily functions and illnesses . . . remember when all we talked about was fashion, hair, and music? now it's only fashion talk when you are talking about what you can or can't squeeze into comfortably.. and hair is "where did it go? what color did it turn? why is it growing THERE?"

Slave2Unk: i just realized i put in worcheter sauce in the pie instead of vanilla

Winnona: AHHHH huge purple ass!!

WestByGd: oh maaan.i'm still on the phone with him when i read that.bout all i can do not to spew coke out of my nose

Bears: no shit. get home so i can sleep pls

CocktailWaitress: by the way, i'm stoned so this could be a potentially fun conversation opportunity

MomBack: Hi from the lobby of our hotel in Bangkok...how are you?

Winnona: there should be a porn mag for jewish chicks called Playgoy.

And my personal favorite:
Bears: i'm not going anywhere. the way I see it, 21 weeks is a short time in our life together, ya know?