Total Immersion Parenting Lessons

• As a parent, you need your friends more than ever. All those years of friendship pre-baby were merely practice.
  
• No one else you know is parenting in the same way you are (or even remotely close), and everyone thinks each other's ways are crazy. The internet proves only that you are all correct.
  
• Getting sunscreen on a toddler is akin to flossing a crocodile. If you suspect I'm exaggerating then you either don't have a red-headed child or your veterinary dental practice has a zero tolerance policy for working on un-sedated patients.
• It's true, what they say, about the not sleeping. As hard as it is to believe, you, too, will never sleep soundly again. And yes, I do mean never. Ever. Never ever.
  
• Speaking of never: Never, under any circumstances, take so much as half a step backwards. Even if you're relatively certain the child is in another room. Because they're not. They are directly behind you.
  
• Never, under any circumstances, leave a box of Cheerios unattended.
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• When your child calls his daddy "dada" and everyone else "mama", he doesn't mean to break your heart. But he does.
• Prunes are made from plums. Go really, really easy on the plums.
• Hold off for as long as possible on playing, "where's your nose"? Because once they find it, nostrils instantly become toy numero uno, with a bullet.
• A medical degree has nothing on a mom's intuition. But goldfish have better memory.
• Should your husband present the following argument, have either him or yourself immediately committed to a local psychiatric institute: "What's one more log on the fire at this point"?
• Trumping the wheel as best invention ever: Skype
  
• Just go ahead and have your cable disconnected at week 30. You won't turn that shiny box on again for about a year.
  
• Seriously, did you know that prunes ARE plums?!